soul talk

[same_old_story]

new words are written again
rusted chains need to be glossed
steps to no where are no more taken
breathless looks , unspoken pains
two arms of banished human clay

let the world of promises be ware
no more lies , inner agony to be shared
shadows of bleeding and waiting are left behind
fingers of kneeling are ignored
words of no turning back are heard

clutshing the chance and never let it go
reshaping lines into speakless soul
a bow down to every empty face
gifts are accepted no more
beliving illusions , wishing dreams

[same_old_story]

i just want to say something iam not so good with writing english but iam trying to do my best
any way your comments are most welcome

[ola4]

thank you my friend for writing in this forum
I really liked ur words though the meaning is sad
there are some mistakes that i wrote in red color
but i have another comment
the last stanza has no clear verb

new words are written again
rusted chains need to be glossed
steps to nowhere are no more taken
breathless looks , unspoken pains
two arms of banished human clay

let the world of promises be aware
no more lies ,or inner agony to be shared
shadows of bleeding and waiting are left behind
fingers of kneeling are ignored
words of no turning back are heard

clutching the chance and never letting it go
reshaping lines into speakless soul
a bow down to every empty face
gifts are accepted no more
believing illusions, wishing dreams

thanks again for the poem

http://i128.photobucket.com/albums/p165/3ola4/thx/thx45.gif

[same_old_story]

thank you so much for your sweet comments
but you did not clearfy why they are mistakes
but thank you again and ia sure i will learn much with you friends

[ola4]

ok my friend i will clarify
إلى لا مكانnowhere should be written as one word if u need to say
واعي = aware
سلعة = but ware
no more lies ,or inner agony to be shared
u have to use or because u used no and negative are combined with or
clutching is a spelling mistake
believing is also a spelling mistake

i hope that i made my comments clear now
my friend ur most welcome again here with us

hope u enjoy sharing ur posts with us here in the forum and i hope u share us with ur comments in the other subjects

[same_old_story]

thanksssssss so much
now i got it right
and i will try to avoid it next time
thanks for your help
and iam so happy that iam among you friends

[hearty00]

new words are written again
rusted chains need to be glossed
steps to no where are no more taken
breathless looks , unspoken pains
two arms of banished human clay

let the world of promises be ware
no more lies , inner agony to be shared
shadows of bleeding and waiting are left behind
fingers of kneeling are ignored
words of no turning back are heard

clutshing the chance and never let it go
reshaping lines into speakless soul
a bow down to every empty face
gifts are accepted no more
beliving illusions , wishing dreams

great job :smailes100: ; though i did not fully appreciated the last stanza .i hope you will clarify why the mood shift again to despair as it was in the first stanza .
in the first verse you do express your disappointement and frustration of the inaction and steritlity of the man , then the mood moves to shed light on some hope (if i understand well) ; however in the last stanza the agony retarded again to gain the ground, i wonder what is the logic behind this ?is it out hesitation
anyhow those were just question to promote the meaning of this good peom indeed .
i will awaite your comments along with some modest attempts to compile poetry here are they Born to Fight (http://www.bramjnet.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=198529)
in the Jungle (http://www.bramjnet.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=165406)
and Casablanca (http://www.bramjnet.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=195831)
wasalam

[same_old_story]

great job :smailes100: ; though i did not fully appreciated the last stanza .i hope you will clarify why the mood shift again to despair as it was in the first stanza .
in the first verse you do express your disappointement and frustration of the inaction and steritlity of the man , then the mood moves to shed light on some hope (if i understand well) ; however in the last stanza the agony retarded again to gain the ground, i wonder what is the logic behind this ?is it out hesitation
anyhow those were just question to promote the meaning of this good peom indeed .
i will awaite your comments along with some modest attempts to compile poetry here are they Born to Fight (http://www.bramjnet.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=198529)
in the Jungle (http://www.bramjnet.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=165406)
and Casablanca (http://www.bramjnet.com/vb3/showthread.php?t=195831)
wasalam
hi friend , these written lines ( i can not say it is a poem ) are not to show despair within soul or as i can see it , although its words may show that espically at the last stanza as it shows that no more lies and illusions can be accepted to believe what is not true . thank you so much for your comment i really appreciate it so much

[same_old_story]

clutching the chance and never letting it go
reshaping lines into speakless soul
a bow down to every empty face
gifts are accepted no more
believing illusions, wishing dreams

i just wonder how these lines show despair and agony when it has words like clutching a chance to rebuild what has been broken and that no more dreams( of things will never come true) will be wished for
iam wating for you comment my friend and ia so happy with you qestions

[hearty00]

salam alikom

it seems i didn't get the meaning of the last verse the terms reshape a speakless and bow down to empty face did mislead me to understand what you want to say , if it is meant to convey a hopeful message it might be logically quiet acceptable if you hold an optimistic vision of life.
that's why i like you to clarify the meaning behind the last stanza just to understand you visionary rather to critic you helplessly ,, i hope you will get what i am trying to say.
one more thing you are a talented poet don't be modest